advice for online based sex workers.

i’ve been thinking about writing this for a long time. it’s almost like i’ve been writing this blog entry in my mind for months .. i honestly don’t know why it’s taken me this long to get it down.
i made a rough outline yesterday & then wrote a lot this morning at the gym while i was walking on the treadmill .. i got so into it that it surprised me when 18 minutes went by & i had walked a whole mile.

this entry will likely be a living document that i will continuously update & make edits. that audience for this are full service workers who advertises and/or content creators. i have no experience stripping or doing lots of other type of sex work, however i think i might have some useful advice for webcam models, content creators (onlyfans, manyvids ..), sugar babies & escorts. even if you are not involved in the sex work industry, perhaps you will at least find this to be a good read. maybe it will speak to you on some other kind of level. anyway, here’s my list of advice for sex workers.

  • be authentic: a little self awareness goes a long way. if you’re comfortable using your real personality to create a “spin off” type alter ego, that could be a really easy way to incorporate your real life into your work, therefore making the whole experience more natural & effortless. 
  • develop a brand / find a niche: don’t try to make everyone happy, because that won’t work and you’ll drive yourself crazy. discover a few things to specialize in & focus on those. you can always stop doing something & pick up something else down the line. 
  • be realistic with your expectations of yourself: you only have so much time in the day; if you have a non-SW full time job or are a caretaker to another living thing, don’t be hard on yourself if a few days/weeks go by between you being able to work on your SW persona. the internet will always be there for when you have the mental space & ability to invest time
  • use social media for research, promotion & fan engagement: not to make comparisons between yourself and other people (who have probably been working for a lot longer than you and who are more established, knowledgeable, & connected) ; be aware of terms & conditions of platforms so you don’t work hard to create a profile just to have it suspended or closed 
  • be patient: i hate this advice but it really is important. as with most things in life, it takes time for things to ramp up & gain traction. don’t be discouraged if your fan base is slow to develop. 
  • don’t be fooled by “beginners’ popularity”; this is somewhere that i definitely went wrong. my first month escorting was my best month ever. i thought every month would be like that. but i didn’t have a great screening process back then & my rates were lower. i didn’t get an abundance of quality clients – i booked anyone and everyone who wanted to see me. i made money but i was exhausted and strained and made mistakes that i’m fortunate haven’t come back to haunt me too much. 
  • your attitude + the quality & setting of pictures tends to matter more than having “perfect” hair/nails/makeup/outfit: if you’re able to upgrade your phone to one that has a good camera, it will be your most used and valued tool. invest in some inexpensive (ring) lights & design some spaces that have a background that fits with your brand. 
  • take care of your mind/body/spirit: develop habits that help you focus on yourself. do things for only you, that make you happy. be active, burn calories, eat healthy, meditate, learn simple breathing techniques. 
  • have a support system: find someone to talk to about things. it might be a SW community, non-SW friends, therapist, family member .. doesn’t matter who as long as they’re safe, trustworthy, and can be discreet. i’ve found it helpful to have at least one person who i can tell all my safety information to. i give that person the screening info from new clients & tell them when i’m meeting them, where, for how long, & then i check in when the appointment is over. we have a plan for what to do if there’s every a situation that needs to be escalated to other people. 
  • fight the urge to tell every single safe person that you meet about your new SW persona: yes it’s very exciting & interesting that you’re doing SW. but try to keep your circle small. the more people who know your real name + your alias info just means there’s more people who could someday out you, if given the chance or maybe even by accident. also a lot of non-SW people don’t really understand the industry & may just worry an unnecessary amount, or stress you out and make you second guess yourself with their judgments. just because your sister is really open & understanding doesn’t mean she’s the best person to be part of your safety check in. 
  • develop effective & sustainable personal finance habits: i cannot stress this one enough. making money is awesome. wanting to spend that money is natural. i am very new in my own personal finance journey, but the biggest thing to try so desperately to do is to keep your expenses low & save as much as you can. if you’re doing full service & working with cash, it might be helpful to physically store an envelope with savings in a lock box or safe of some kind. if you’re doing mostly online/digital sales or using payment apps, perhaps it would be good to get a high interest savings account that doesn’t have a debit card so you can save money there. if you’re comfortable finding a SW-friendly accountant or financial advisor, that could be really helpful for someone who is trying to learn good practices. 
  • you are not everyone’s cup of tea: try your best to not be offended or have any negative feelings when a potential client never turns into an actual paying client. it can be very frustrating at times, and it can even feel like rejection is more common than acceptance, however when you do find clients who appreciate you, it will really mean the world to you. focus on the good clients, not the crappy ones or the ones who have wasted your time.

thanks for reading!