[ the first part of this post was originally written on january 2nd, 2022. it was edited and completed on january 20th, 2022. ]
i struggle to find my exact “sex work start date” but i know that lucee 100% existed in august 2018. below was shot on 8/17/18 & still remains to be one of my favorite pictures.
1,234 days have passed since the picture above was taken .. but somehow lucee hasn’t gotten any older. (lol)
when i created lucee i gave myself permission to lean into my strengths and completely ignore any weaknesses. since i started with just online work, i was easily able to hide behind my computer and switch on & off my alias by opening & closing my laptop. i got to pick & choose my favorite things from my real life to then put into creating a whole new person – someone who IS me but isn’t ALL of me ..
it all felt pretty safe & almost fake / fantasy at times. i spent a lot of those early days on webcam & learning the ropes of social media + adult industry work. i was SO fortunate & privileged because i had (and still have) a wonderful support group around me. my friends & even some family members are supportive of my work which has made my life much easier. i am able to be honest & open with most of my loved ones, which i know a lot of sex workers cannot say the same. i had some scary safety/internet security type kerfuffles arise when i was still learning things .. it was crucial that i had my support system or else lucee would have definitely packed it in a long time ago.
one of my friends even came on board the LM Train on Day 1 & was a vital element to helping me get started in the sex work world. they did an incredible amount of behind the scenes work & provided me with a sense of ~not doing it alone~ .. by working together we became very close friends. if not for our common interest in sex work + my execution of the work i’m not sure my friend and i would have ever gotten so close. my need for support mixed with their knowledge & values created a perfect storm of right place / right time. i’m so thankful to them every damn day.
needing help & asking for help often over the past few years has made me a stronger person. due to the safety element of my job, i am always asking my friends to be a check in buddy. we have a contingency plan in case of emergencies. i have had to put my life into my friend’s hands which asks a lot from all parties. i owe my friends the world because of all the worry i’ve probably caused them. but because of me asking for this support, i’ve gotten very close to a lot of my friends. it’s been a lesson learned that leaning on others = building stronger bonds. i definitely didn’t think that way 5+ years ago.
FREEDOM! i cannot stress this enough. i. need. to. have. freedom.
my one true professional goal in life was to be self-employed. ✅ done. did it. being a sex worker = running my own company where I am the product/service. me. myself. my body. my brain. my words. that’s my business. i can work anywhere, anytime. i can also NOT work whenever i want – which is dope & terrifying. i set my own rates. i tell people what i will do, how i’ll do it, when, & for how much. while there was definitely an adjustment period of me getting used to having this much autonomy, now that i’ve gotten a taste of this sweet freedom of choice & control i will never go back. not to say that i’ll do sex work my whole life, but this being one of the first businesses i’ve started .. i feel like i’ve gotten off to a good start.
i don’t know if i’m a full blown People Pleaser, but i do enjoy knowing that something i put out in the world made someone else feel a positive emotion. i think porn is kinda silly. i don’t watch it myself. i think some naked girls are hot but i am not turned on by seeing things put in holes. HOWEVER .. i understand i am not the norm. i have been getting requests for nude pictures since i was 14 years old. i probably started sending pictures by the time i was 15. i was DEFINITELY sending all sorts of smut by 16 years old. i am not bragging or condoning child porn .. not at all. i’ll talk to my therapist about why i was looking for attention in that way at that age but that’s not for me to get into here .. lol. my point is i get it – people like to see me naked. there’s a pattern of requests. & now that i publicly show my skin to the world on the regular i get a lot of messages from people saying how happy my content made them. idc if the happiness is because of an orgasm. it’s all the same to me. i’m just glad to help.
along the same line but a little different – i receive a lot of expressions of gratitude and thanks when working with clients in-person. starting with when i got into sugar dating in 2019 up until the escorting work i do now, it’s rare that i don’t feel truly good after a session. & no – it’s not because i’m having mind blowing sex. i would prefer to focus on the client’s needs & make sure that they’re feeling taken care of. i want time spent with me to be relaxing & carefree. i am supposed to be a little vacation from real life .. or my favorite thing to say .. “i am a luxury good” ✨ so when someone decides to spend time with me, they’re investing in me & saying to me “i believe in your ability to make me have a good time when in your presence” .. and not to brag (okay maybe this one actually is a brag) but i have a lot of repeat/regular clients 😉 .. the work i do can be a real boost to my ego! & i truly hope that other people in my life feel a sense of fulfillment with whatever job/work they do.
this job challenges me every day, especially since i’ve gotten into full service sex work. in particular i have had to put a lot of energy into my patience & communication skills. i have also become aware of things i’m not very strong in (see earlier when i mentioned being able to hide my weaknesses on the computer). when doing in-person hands-on client work, there’s only so much i can hide. the best i can do is fake it til i make it & then learn about it later. for example, i used to really struggle with dirty talk or JOI. i felt so goofy & awkward. nowadays i have had a lot of practice & i’ve actually spent time doing research & looking up scripts or watching content to give me ideas. now i feel much more comfortable talking dirty in videos or to clients in-person. another example is that i recently started getting into non-sexual touch work like assisted stretching or massage. i have a client who i’ve been working with & we’ve been learning about thai massage together. it’s enriching to do something new & get to know a new person at the same time. since i actually like my job & helping people i invest a lot of time in reading about trauma informed therapy, yoga, anatomy, spiritualism, breathwork, sexuality (duh), self-help .. i also listen to a lot of auto/biographical things about people i admire in order to learn what they did “right” in their life to get to where they are today. someone doesn’t need to have the same job as me for me to learn a lot of lessons from them .. successful people are hot & i am always down to learn more about them in hopes they rub off on me (ha. ha. sometimes literally.)
a perhaps surprising challenge for me over the past 1,234 days has been learning how to take better care of myself aka The Product. pre-2018 i didn’t know much about beauty – makeup, hair, fashion, etc .. to be completely honest, i just recently learned how to do my hair in a way that pleases me (see instagram for my crazy curly hair). i really never cared much about putting effort into my looks pre-2018. i seemed to get by doing the bare minimum. but oh wow .. the world of skincare & hair treatments & using quality products instead of garbage .. again .. i will never go back. i still do very minimal effort to maintain my look but i never really had a “look” before 2018. i was kinda lost in this weird style that didn’t really feel like it belonged to me. because of doing sex work i opened my stubborn eyes to a whole world .. & i learned that if i invest just a little more in looking put together i can then take better pics, get more fans/clients, make more people happy, & maybe make more money. i also feel proud of myself when i know i spent time to make myself look the way i want to look. idk. maybe that’s vain. but it feels good to look in the mirror & know that i did everything in my power to be the person who i want the world to see.
being an online sex worker / content creator means that i’ve had the ability to invest in one of my oldest interests – photography. ever since being a kid, i was always super duper into both photo & video. i remember using the old handheld camcorder with the tape OBSESSIVELY .. it was probably my favorite toy. then i got a digital camera when i was a teenager .. remember my little slutty self? well i was also taking pictures of nature & animals & people .. not just my tiny titties. so now that i’m like .. kinda a full blown adult or whatever .. & i have the means, i’ve been able to acquire a few different cameras/video devices/tons of accessories – lighting, tripods, backdrops .. so much stuff. i will take this moment to admit that i do not spend as much time with my photo equipment as i wish i spent .. but as my therapist says .. now that i have the tool, i’ll always have the tool & it may serve me someday. #selfcompassion .. the point here being is that i have given myself permission to lean into this interest of mine & make it not only a hobby but something that i can perhaps master & then do professionally for hopefully a very long time .. whether i’m taking pictures of myself or other people or maybe even i’ll shoot for NatGeo one day .. who the hell knows what the future will hold. all i know is i have a Canon that i love learning about & using when i have the time .. thanks to sex work.
along the same line .. by becoming a more public person & allowing others to provide feedback, i have learned that i have a pretty cool voice whether in writing or audio & (somewhat still surprising to me) people like to hear what i have to say .. hence this blog. but i’ve also given some major thought to starting a podcast show. i have been a guest on a few of them & i feel like they went pretty good. now .. idk if i really needed to go out & purchase a whole bunch of audio recording equipment .. but if you know anything about me .. i am totally the proud owner of a zoom handy recorder & microphone .. & maybe a yeti usb mic as well .. hey i’m not perfect and sometimes i go overboard. however .. i never really considered making a podcast show until i listened to what fans were telling me & then i thought hey – why not – let’s give that a shot too.
in efforts of closing this entry .. i will say thank you, to you, reader. it’s because of you that i am even writing this. due to the overwhelming number of supportive messages that i have received asking me to start writing more .. i decided to restructure this blog a little bit. i will be periodically returning to past posts & adding to them – so do not fret, dear fan, the posts that used to be on my page here have not been deleted .. they are just hanging out in a private queue waiting to be elaborated on even more.
if you’re looking to see more of me & support the last 1,234 days of my creative efforts please check out my onlyfans. thank you in advance.